I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
