just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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