so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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