My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
