I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
