Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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