Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
