i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
