8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
