On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
