How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
