Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pants are for mortals
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