I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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