Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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