I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
