The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize