okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
