Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
