His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Be still, my beating vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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