pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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