i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
