just come out here and I will go home with you...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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