Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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