listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
