I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
