yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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