Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
