How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
