I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
