i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
