i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
