thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
