nutella sex= disaster
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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