ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
