I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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