i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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