what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
