hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
