just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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