I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
