I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
