my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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