Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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