He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
