remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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