you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
