I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
