So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
