omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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