I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
